best of “dear…”

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic.

 

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada.

 

Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely
Michael Jackson.

 

Dear Studentes,
I know when you’re texting.
Sincerely, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.

 

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…”. Just saying.
Sincerely,
Google.

 

Dear Dora,
You’re bilingual at age 4, and you seriously can’t see the damn orange tree?!
Sincerely, it’s right there!

Dear CatDog,
Please tell me how you poop. I have wondered for so long.
Sincerely,
A confused fan.

 

Dear Sirius Black,
What’s your middle name?
Sincerely, I hope it’s Lee.

Dear Bella,
They have sex on True Blood all the time.
Sincerely, Edward’s just not that into you.